Into the Darkness [becoming to Noel Ko-zuki Part2]

Hello! How’s you days doing?
I’m Noel Ko-zuki.

In this article, I’m talking about when I was in a junior high school.

This part is very important for my life.  This name “Noel Ko-zuki” created at that time.

 

If you want to read backnunber of this article series, please click below link card.

この記事の日本語版は、こちらから↓

 

 

 

 

Well, let’s start to talking about the origin of this name…

When I was in junior high school, I thought that I must have a pen name as a writer.  I had been thought what’s the good name…

 

One day, I found a notebook in my home.
That notebook was a my mother’s.  Mother has used that to think my name when she was a pregnant.

I was interested in it.  I started to checking…
There were several candidates for names.  Leon, Lenon, Reina and so on.
And in that there was “Noel”.

I got a inspiration!
My pen name is Noel!

After that, I came to know that “Noel” means “christmas” in French and “birth of christ” in Latin.

My family name “Ko-zuki ” is conpletely my original.
Ko-zuki derived from “Royal Moon” in Japanese.  At that time, I loved a animation character.  So I wanted to use a name that would be relevant to that character.

 

 

 

 

Birth of Noel Ko-zuki was a good part of my junior high school life.
But in other aspects, I was a depressed human…

I was serious since I was in elementary school, I bought antipathy by boys who was making a noise.
I respected myself because I keep a school regulation. And I moved with only my own circumstances.
Looking back now, it is nothing more than a way of living rooted in separation. It is a opposite of spiritual.  I can’t beleive my past!

My hardest thing was when I was 15 years old.
I wanted to enter Sendai Daisan High School, but my exam score was always bad.
Could I enter there?  I was filled with anxiety.

I wanted to enroll in the high school by all means, so I did terrible thing to drive myself to study.  That’s it, to prohibit my hobby at all.

Writing a novel, brawing picture, reading, palying a game…

All I can did was only study until I enter my wished high school.

 

Let’s say first the conclusion. What was waiting me was melancholic.
As narrowed my horizons, I got into an illusion that I had to keep studying forever.I was irritated in a trivial thing.

If I can’t enter my wish high school…
When I can write my novels?

 

 

More the worce, I had a mad view of religion and thought God is a bad guy.
I believed that a destiny is exist and God is managing the destiny of everyone.
My life is already stipulated until detail.

If so, there is nothing change whether I stydy of not.
Would any effort become waste?

I could not get out of that idea.
And one day, I noticed.
If I die, will it be okay?

 

 

→Continue to Part3!

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